The heat is on (duh nuh nuh nuh nuh, duh nuh nuh nuh nuh - Whoa - ooo - Whoa -oh-ooo)

I am writing this blog in a state of exhaustion, brought on by two things:

1. The Couples’ Decathlon was this weekend
2. Seattle is experiencing a humid heatwave

The decathlon was the awesome event that I built it up to be. Ten events (really?!) over two days, made to test physical strength, agility, stamina, patience, creativity... and luckiness.
Kira and I triumphed in the latter category. Despite being 5’6” and 4’11” respectively, we came 2nd out of 9 in the volleyball – almost entirely through reverse psychology. Kira was so vocal about our lack of ability that our opponents took pity on us for the first 10 or so points, after which they realised we were not quite (quite...) as bad as she had made out. At that point they brought their A game, but, without having played themselves in, enough balls were over-hit for us to win the game!

Next up was the crossword, which we won! Beating the US at their own trivia on their soil – it was enough to make me nostalgic for the invasion; but that is still on hold... more on that later...

Unfortunately, the next event relied on pure sporting ability - a canoe race over a kilometre. We lost, but not terribly - considering one team had a canoe instructor in it (30-40 seconds behind most of the field, and a minute and a half behind the winners, who did it in 6 minutes). Then onto mini-golf (where

we placed mid-pack) and the final event of the day - a newlyweds game show (wives ask questions, husbands have to guess their answers and vice versa). Incredibly, after that event we were 2nd going into Day 2.

Day 2 was, however, a disaster.

Last in the first event (an engineering challenge), mid table in the 2nd and 3rd (a taste test and a creativity challenge, result shown in photo below). Then came horseshoes. Horseshoes is an awful, awful, awful game. You have to throw a horseshoe at a metal post 40 FEET AWAY, and try to get it to ring round it. NO ONE could play this game, so we actually managed to come in 6th – even though Kira could only throw the horseshow 30 FEET...
Then the Eliminator – an obstacle course requiring speed, strength and no fear of gunge. Needless to say... we lost by a mile... video to follow shortly.

This meant that we ended in 6th place overall. Not bad, but hardly striking fear into the natives.

However, the invasion is in deeper trouble than this conveys. It is really hot here. It’s been in the late 80s all week and is now into the 90s for the foreseeable future. As we all know, the only things we British can do in the heat are moan, go out in the midday sun, and drink tea – so the invasion is well and truly off until the Autumn (which the Americans call “The Fall” – if only they knew how apt that will become...).


In other news... the healthcare battle rages on. I see that you’ve been getting articles on this in the UK now (one in the observer over the weekend) so you may well be fully briefed, but to further clarify, the figures I gave were for one adult under 30. As soon as I hit 30 my premiums go up by 25%. Then it’s a 25% increase at least every 5 years. On top of inflationary increases. So once you get older... well, you do the math. And then the insurance companies use your money to employ people who work day and night to figure out how to make sure that you actually won't be insured once you fall ill (for example, a women was denied cancer treatment because she hadn't properly notified the company of acne when she was a teenager).

Please never let this happen in the UK!! It is evil – pure and simple.

And how does it survive here in the US? As far as I can tell it is actually because Republicans, (who depend on health insurance company donations to maintain their mansions) and some like-minded (i.e. greedy) democrats, feign disgust at a universal public healthcare programme because it is “Socialist” and will leave health in the hands of faceless “Bureaucrats” (despite the fact that, as members of congress, they are on a public plan).

Socialism, in most of the US, is equivalent to Satanism. This is unbelievably ironic in a country in which politicians incrementally increase their references to ‘God’ and ‘Jesus ’ each year (Read the Gospel of Luke and you'll see that Jesus was pretty keen on the welfare of the poor) – yet these politicians have somehow used consumer dread and cold war echoes to sell large swathes of the country on the belief that providing equal access to healthcare is both un-Christian and un-American. Guess Defoe was right when he wrote “And of all plagues with which mankind are curs’d/ Ecclesiastic tyranny’s the worst” – especially when the ecclesiastic is really a money-grabbing politician.

Anyway, enough pretentious vitriol from me! The next post will be sooner than you expect (want?), as Kira and I are renewing our vows this weekend. Should be a great day, with a ceremony, then BBQ and watersports! More next week...

Double D out

Home on the range

Another week has gone by in the home of supersizing, but progress has slowed markedly for the dorrian advance party - or at least one half of it. Kira has got a job and several auditions, and is apparently considering a run for congress. I have been sitting on my ass (that's butt not donkey - trying to assimilate so the natives won't suspect anything) eating burgers and gaining weight. With my fast balding pate I will soon look like Homer Simpson - all I need is a touch of jaundice to round off the transformation.

Obviously this can't last - unless I get hit by a truck. Then I can sue, win big, and sit in watching cable for the rest of my natural life... Woo hooo, the American Dream! Thankfully this is quite a strong possibility as public transport in Issaquah (the suburb we're staying in currently) doesn't really exist, so I'll need to cycle to get anywhere near an efficient mode of transportation to downtown Seattle (about 15 miles away). With a combination of my ineptitude, lack of cycle lanes and lack of street lighting, the big pay off should be anyday now... watch this space!

More seriously, I am considering calling off the invasion. Many of you will be saddened by this I know, but the thing is I suspect we have been beaten to it. A British stooge is already running the Country - and he's not even doing it secretly!

I am, of course, referring to Barack Obama. If he is not British I will eat my bowler hat! The evidence is all there: The concern for universal health care combined with the lack of a plan to properly pay for it; The shame about past invasions of other countries tempered with the decision to not bring the perpetrators to book or make reparations; the visible lack of a firearm; Speeches that don't end with a "yee-haw!"; and finally, though this is difficult to see without a massive american TV, if you look very carefully beneath his nose you can see evidence of a stiff upper lip.

With the invasion on hold, Kira and I decided to take ourselves away for the weekend (our 5th Wedding Anniversary). We went to a lovely getaway called Whidbey Island, and stayed in a log cabin. It was utterly beautiful and a lovely relaxing time away after all the moving stress. Pictures of the cabin - and of Kit, our wonder car.







We spent most of the time in the hot tub or the swimming pool - and didn't feel guilty for it at all!

The relaxation will serve us well as Kira and I are about to take part in a major sporting event (stop laughing!) - the 2009 Couples Decathlon. Full details are available at www.couplesdecathlon.com - but I'll start by telling you it will involve us playing volleyball (not really a sport for hobbits). Don't worry, there will be video evidence.

Lastly, two significant additions have been made this week - our iphones! I am not going to put the numbers here but will email them to anyone who wants them. If you have a VOIP (voice over internet phone) this is particularly good, as the technology can't tell the difference between US landlines and mobiles, so you can call for free!

Hope you are all well wherever you are!

DD

The Dorrian's have landed!

We landed last Wednesday and went through immigration as usual, only to be given a rather ominous looking 'yellow card' (i.e. A4 size piece of yellow card from the US equivilant of WH Smiths) and be told to "march down the red line to the desk at the end". Luckily all was fine, but they know how to make you want to crap your pants! We just had to sit and wait for a while before an agent was free to process my paperwork and then it was "Welcome to the US"!

After picking up the 6 bags of stuff off the first carousel, then putting them back on another conveyor belt to the main terminal and getting them off again at the other end (fun!) we were ready for dinner at the cheesecake factory. Kira's friends were all there with Americana (a hat and flag for me), so I didn't think that was the best time to tell them I was there to reconquer, and instead sat down to a quart of stella and a burger the size of my head, followed by a cheesecake that seemed to have been made in the mould of a mid-size iron.

The next day was uneventful (getting over jetlag... going for a run.. honest I did!) then we went to point 1 on the moving over list - buy a car. Having never bought a car in the UK (nor driven one...) this was always going to be interesting, but when I looked at prices my reaction was to go into shock. Even with the dollar/pound conversion things seemed excessive - probably due to the size of cars which are uniformly much bigger. We drove a hard bargain though, and ended up with a decent deal on a Honda Civic Hybrid, which should apparently get us about 44 miles to the gallon. Nice! All that wheeler dealing left us tired and hungry so it was off to a BBQ that night, where I had a lovely steak and Kira had a garden burger (vegetarians... what are they thinking?!?!)

Saturday was the 4th of July. Again I chickened out on telling the yanks that I am the advance party (there were a lot of them) but I am slowly building up the courage. On their part they made an impressive show of force with their fireworks. I had never seen organised fireworks in the US, and they were amazing. They make our normal 5th November stuff look pitiful, and the millenium fireworks in London look like a backyard catherine wheel. Unreal.

Back down to earth on Sunday with house-hunting. Real estate in Seattle is very different to London style. The ones we saw had much older fixtures and fittings in kooky apartment buildings with very limited parking (in a city that depends on the car). Apparently it is normal to feel like this after only seeing a few properties, and some things are cosmetic and can be changed, but we feel a bit shortchanged on London style at the moment...

Then today - health insurance. I am forced to ponder the irony of a system that provides healthcare at such a cost that you would have to sell a kidney in order to get any. To give you an idea, one plan we looked at would be 202 dollars a month - each. And that's just where it starts. Like car insurance you have an excess (deductible). That is 3000 dollars. Beyond that, there is what they call co-insurance. This means you pay 20-30% of everything up to a total (including deductible) of 9000 dollars. So, the long and the short of it is, you pay around $1500 a year in premiums, then if you get seriously ill you could be liable for up to another $9000 - making the cost of a serious illness $10,500, before you factor in lost income etc. And that is PER PERSON. If I hear anyone complain about the NHS ever again, I am going to make them pay my premium for a month.

Before it sounds like I am on a complete downer I should say that all this is tempered by the fact that Seattle is beautiful. Heart stoppingly beautiful. The views are stunning and there is greenery everywhere on a scale that you just don't get in the UK. So come out and visit - just make sure you get travel insurance or you may never be able to leave!