An exciting week in the life of the Dorrians!
We've made an offer on a condominium (flat to you and me, but you know how these Americans like to overcomplicate things). It's a lovely place right in the heart of the liveliest neighbourhood in Seattle - Capitol Hill.
Capitol Hill is full of nut-jobs who might as well wear tin-foil hats on their head as they rage about watering the tree of liberty (more on that later) and avoiding death panels... but luckily that Capitol Hill is in Washington DC! Capitol Hill in Seattle is full of students and artists (and admittedly a few nut-jobs), with lots of fringe theatres and other cool cultural elements. Our (prospective) building also has lots of amenities (including a zen garden!) and, most importantly for you lot, a guest suite. So, if sofa beds aren't your thing, you can come stay with us for about the cost of a B&B.
We're in the midst of all the paperwork at the moment, but the inspection and appraisal have both gone through, so we're close! Fingers-crossed please!
In addition to housebuying we are also both dieting. We've organised as "Biggest Loser" competition with some friends; to add some spice it is Boys vs Girls. So, having not been to the gym in months, I have now been everyday this week - and went twice on Tuesday for 2 hours of CV. I'm a little disappointed that I haven't lost any weight at all thus far, but apparently it takes a while. Watch this space (I promise this blog won't become a Bridget Jones' Diary style wallow in self-pity though... pints 12, cigarettes 40, blah blah blah isn't my sloaney guilt entertaining...).
On a wider front, there are three slight concerns with our venture into real estate.
First, Seattle is apparently due a massive earthquake any time soon. Scientists from Wasila polytechnic (I forget the name of the actual institute) have discovered that the fault-line is much closer to the Emerald City than previously thought. Turns out nobody bothered to earthquake-proof any of the buildings or infrastructure so it's all a little concerning.
Secondly, I'm told that vampires live in a place called Forks, which is about 3 hours drive away, and that they occasionally visit the downtown area. If this turns out to be true, I think it will have a detrimental effect on resale value...
Thirdly, there may be a civil war in America very soon. Nothing to do with me I assure you - though as you know it was part of the plan (divide and conquer). What I hadn't reckoned on was exactly how insane a goodly number of American's are. A significant minority are now turning up to presidential events wearing T-shirts bearing the slogan "water the tree of liberty" - which implies that Obama is a tyrant and that they think he should be killed. Given that a number of these "protestors" are also carrying guns (i.e. assault rifles) it's all a bit concerning (I use the word "protestors" with caveat, as I think it's more likely that they are just unhinged individuals with violent tendencies).
What is this tyranny of which they speak? Expanding healthcare to a larger portion of the population and making it more affordable all round. Hopefully this makes no sense to you (otherwise I am a little concerned...), so let me explain.
In an earlier blog I wrote that the Bible was being distorted to blacken the name of socialism. At the time I had no idea how this was being done, but I have since engaged in some research (don't say I never give you nothing).
In certain areas of the country, various versions of an idea that could be termed 'biblical capitalism' seem to have taken root. The extreme version of this notion is that the Bible was written with the express intention of promoting Capitalism - God intends to operate as the invisible hand and wants his followers to help him. This is clearly a little bit crazy, appealing mainly to the hubristic, such as delusional sociopaths and US Senators. And I'm not kidding about the latter. If you're interested, read up on "The Family" and the C Street house.
The moderate version is more insidious and wider spread. In this version the basic principle is apparently that distribution of wealth is theft, and the Bible is against theft. The problem is that this notion is not Biblical, but comes from a distortion of the Protestant (or Puritan for the Yanks) Work Ethic; in which worldly success compensated for the removal of priestly assurance of salvation post the reformation. So, for moderate biblical capitalists, distribution of wealth is akin to taking from the holy to give to the unholy. It's a good work if they decide to do this themselves (thus adding to their kitty) but if the government forces them to do it via taxation, it is theft. Hence Obama is a tyrant.
The rather massive problem with this is that the Protestant Work Ethic is a side-effect of the reformation, not it's intention. The intention of the reformation was to stop people thinking they could buy their way into heaven, and make them see that salvation is the gift of God. In provocative terms - He distributes his wealth to all who ask for it.
There is way more that I could say on this, but it would get boring for most of you (see here for a good discussion www.lilligren.com/church/money.htm)! Suffice to say that anyone who ever tells you that the Bible mandates capitalism is either misguided or dangerous.
Hope all is well in the UK - more fun dieting tips and less ranting in the next blog I promise!
DD out
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A RESPONSE FROM A PROUD AMERICAN
ReplyDeleteI need to begin by addressing Dave's paranoia about earthquakes in Seattle. Despite his reference to the Wasila Polytechnic (now the Sarah Palin Memorial Garden from which you can see Russia), Seattle has long known that it is on a dangerous fault line (perhaps Dave missed the numerous press releases by the Seattle Visitors Bureau touting our city as the "Adventure Travel Capital of the World").
His building, however is new and built to codes designed to ensure that, when it falls down, it will only hurt socialists and other fellow-travellers (poor Dave!).
But back to the point of his rantings. I just can't tell you how nice it is to have Dave, a delusional Brit, who has absolutely no understanding of how life is in America after two whole months here. (Side Note: some might say that we have purloined the name "America" from the 460 million people who live in 20 countries, excluding the US, in North, Central and South America. Of course, I would never say that!)
I think he misunderstands the importance Americans place on the civil liberties we have in our country, and our glorious constitution which empowers us to bear arms, allowing us then to carry guns openly, even to a community meeting where the President is to speak. Now that is real freedom! Do you have that civil right in Great Britain?
On issues of religion, I am at a loss for words. Dave's deep theosophical knowledge gained at Cambridge University (not exactly a hotbed of the conservative values that we so honor in this land of the free and the home of the brave) apparently omitted study of the wing of the American evangelical church which is the only true Christian church in the world. His professors may also have forgotten to let Dave know that members of all other churches in the US and the world are going to hell. We have strong proof of that fact in this country which other churches seem to have deliberately ignored in their loosy-goosey interpretation of the Bible.
As for our politics, it is with great reluctance that I admit Dave knows more about it and understands it better than the majority of the population of this great land. How could it be otherwise when 37% can't find the US on a map of the world but have a pretty good idea of where Washington D.C. is (in Hell!).
So Dave lives and learns in America. Though he is a quick study, there are some subtleties he has yet to pick up. I should add that he would be able to do better if he did not persist in reading the distorted views of America in that Commie rag, The Economist. So I pray for him.
Yet for Dave there is hope, and change we can believe in. We continue to love him and support him no matter what his impressions of our beloved country. After all, though I've said it once with pride, one can never say it too often: "This is the land of the free." We especially value freedom of the press which is currently an asset on the books of a very few and politically powerful corporations owned by such illustrious and caring folks as Rupert Murdoch. His media outlets' outspoken views are changing America for the better.
Oh yes. one more thing before I close. Our devotion to capitalism comes not from the Bible, but from the fundamental and religious belief espoused by the great American preacher, Gordon Gecko, who said, "Greed is good." Who could argue with that?
A proud American
Nice blog Dave - sorry for not reading it earlier! MOre on religion please....
ReplyDeleteAnd have you done research into not paying income tax - apparantly it is against the constitution - look in to it! Although don't blame if that put you in G-Bay or somewhere equivalent.
The thing is though it's not called "Great" America is it?
I have recently developed strong feelings for America which I will keep to my self :o)
Glad things are woking out over there mate and if the CIA/FBI/Gestapo let me in I'll be over